About Me

Thursday, April 21, 2016

GUILT BUSTER

 
  Feelings of guilt battled the Word of God for control of my thoughts, one emotional morning.
     What is that flying in the air, I thought to myself.  I saw a flash of light in the sky.  I was on my way to work.  
Fear gripped my heart as I slammed on the brakes.  Other cars stopped.   There was something in the middle of the highway, and I almost hit it.  I caught my breath, prayed and then stepped out of my car to assess the situation.  To my left about one hundred yards away, in the median, was a red jeep on its side.  In front of that Jeep was a limp body lying in the grass.   The object that caught the morning sunlight must have been that jeep flying through the air.   I scanned to the right, about fifty yards in front of me was what looked like a bundle of clothes in the middle of three lanes of traffic.
Oh my, it is a man!  I gasped.  Thank you, Lord, for making me stop.
A month earlier I had earned my Emergency Medical Technician certification.  I knew what to do at the scene of an accident; I had the knowledge to help these guys.   I expressed my dilemma, Lord which body do I go to first
I walked slowly to the scene. I was so confused, scared and knew that God would help me.
 I obediently approached the guy on the road; his limp body looked like a rag doll
Now, as an EMT, I should have immediately immobilized the gentleman’s neck to prevent injury or further damage to the spine.   I did not.  I did, however, observe that he was unconscious and breathing.  Instead, I laid my hands on him and cried out to God. With my body shaking I prayed audibly asking God to intervene. I opened my tear-filled eyes to what looked like a movie scene.   I saw many confused people staring at me.  After my prayer, I looked to my right. To my joy and amazement, there was a man, shoulder to shoulder with me, holding the neck of the patient to immobilize it.    I asked this hero who he was. God sent an off-duty firefighter. When the police and ambulance showed up, they told everyone to leave the area.   As I drove away, I cried and interceded in prayer for these two men.   Little did I know that this day, April 19th, 1995 would go down in history as one of the worst days in America, hindering me from identifying the two accident victims.
      I could not concentrate at work.   My supervisor listened as I told him about my terrifying morning.   He encouraged me to call the police station to find out what happened to the gentlemen.
     East Greenwich Police, How may I direct your call?
 Yes, I would like information on the accident on RT 4 North this morning, I was the first on the scene!
 Hold on; I will put you through to the officer handling that case.   
 Thank you, I sighed
     The officer came on the line.  I explained to him what I experienced.  My heart beat faster and faster as I hesitated to ask the difficult question that haunted my mind for the last two hours,
Officer what happened to the man in the middle of the road?
 It had seemed like forever before I heard his answer. 
He is going to make it!  
 YES!  Thank you, LORD!
   I was so overjoyed and, for a moment, forgot that I was sitting behind a desk in a medical clinic.  I startled a few of the patients in the waiting room. 
 I held my breath as I asked the next question.
How about the man in the median?
 I am sorry, He died at the scene.
 My heart broke, and I burst into tears. I thanked the officer and hung up the phone.
  Lord, you asked me to go to the man on the road.  Why?  If I prayed over the man in the median, maybe he would have survived! 
   God did not answer my question.   To this day, I still do not know why God had me go to the guy on the road and not the one in the grass.  The guilt tried to rob me of my peace.
Guilt feelings had a grip on me, choking out the truth of the word.  
I knew God told me to go to the man on the road, so why the guilt?
This seemed like a pattern with me.  After I sinned against God and confessed, I still felt guilt.
Was I missing something?
The Word of God states
There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus Romans 8:1 ESV
When Isaiah saw the Lord he felt ruined (Isaiah 6: 1-7), He shared his experience
Then one of the seraphim flew to me, having in his hand a burning coal that he had taken with tongs from the altar. And he touched my mouth and said: “Behold, this has touched your lips; your guilt is taken away, and your sin atoned for.”
These verses were my mantra, but the feelings of guilt remained.
It took years to get the answer to my question.
Lord, If we are justified and not condemned, why do I still feel guilty?
     I sat in the pew of Hampton Falls First Baptist Church.  Our family had moved from Rhode Island to New Hampshire to take care of my Aunt Marion.  Life was arduous.  The effects of my chronic illness, along with my husband not working and my son having difficulties in school, occupied my mind.   
     One morning, my ears perked up when the pastor said, Sin leaves a spiritual wound that needs to heal.
     Did the pastor read my mind?  Did he know what tormented me?  Did he dive deep in my inner thoughts?  
Pastor repeated himself,
When we sin against our God, we have a spiritual wound that needs to heal. The feeling is the healing process, not guilt

The feeling is the healing, I repeated to myself.
If the congregation could hear into the spiritual realm, they would have heard my chains of guilt feelings hit the wood floor under my pew. 
I was free.  God was not condemning me.  I knew it in my head; now I know it in my heart. 
I wanted to do cartwheels down the aisle, but you don’t do that in a Baptist church.
Our enemy wants us chained to feelings of guilt. 
He schemes to immobilize us with lies.
As the truth permeated my heart, I began to focus on my Abba and not myself.   I claimed His promise: 
Let us draw near to God with a sincere heart and with the full assurance that faith brings, having our hearts sprinkled to cleanse us from a guilty conscience and having our bodies washed with pure water. Hebrews 10:22 ESV
 The application of the God's Word is mandatory to win the battle and be released  from the chains of guilt, shame, and lies.

Do you need to be set free from the feelings of guilt?
Has the Word set you free?
Please share in the comments section.

6 comments:

Connie Wohlford said...

Such an interesting story and testimony of God's goodness and mercy! Even after all these years, God is getting mileage out of your experience right here in your blog. Thanks for sharing.

CHERRILYNN BISBANO said...

Thank you Connie. I am still trying to find the man who survived. I have not put a lot of time and effort due to the police telling me I could not get his name. I am now going to the News station that covered it. I would like him to know that God had someone pray for him for the last 21 years. God bless you.

Leigh Powers said...

Wow, what a powerful story! Guilt is so powerful. Thank you for sharing how you stood on the truth and found freedom.

CHERRILYNN BISBANO said...

Thank you Leigh for the encouragement and visiting the blog. God is so good to teach us through difficult circumstances. I am sure you have plenty of stores also. God bless you as you serve Him.

Ginger Harrington said...

What a powerful story and difficult circumstance. I have never thought about guilt from that perspective. Healing shows up in many ways in our lives, doesn't it?

CHERRILYNN BISBANO said...

Ginger, Thank you for the encouragement. God is good to meet us right where we are. Have a blessed week, my friend.