About Me

Friday, April 15, 2016


I thought God wanted me to be happy.  He is my father after all.  My earthly father was abusive. My Father in Heaven is a God of Love so why am I miserable?”
I found myself saying this to my roommate Dana.  I was surprised that it even came out of my mouth.  After all, I am happy.  Right? I am the daughter of the King.   I am redeemed by the Blood.  Everyone at church is happy. They think I am happy.
 I desired to be happy. 
 I went from experience to experience seeking fun and fulfillment.  
I went to Bible Studies, women's conferences, and Christian coffee houses.
Happiness was fleeting.
 How could I stay happy when deep down I was far from happy.  I was crushed, miserable and needed answers.
After three years of pretending (I wore the happy mask well),  I began to search the scriptures more diligently.

My eyes fixed on Ephesians 1:4
even as he chose us in him before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and blameless before him.  ESV
Holy?  Isn't God the only holy one?
I studied more...

For God did not call us to be impure, but to live a holy life. 1 Thessalonians 4:7 NIV

Make every effort to live in peace with everyone and to be holy; without holiness no one will see the Lord. Hebrews 12:14 NIV

God called me to be holy not happy?   
The truth of the scriptures began to crack the facade I wore.
I prayed and meditated on the Word. Intense pain from my past began to come out of hiding.  
I did not want to hurt...but my aim was and still is...holiness   
"You must allow God to heal those hurts"  Dana told me during another discussion.
"Sin has left wounds and they go deep, let the Word of God heal you"
I set my face like flint toward my healing God.
The process of healing was difficult.
Healing was exchanged for joy...a joy so indescribable
 A joy that pierced any darkness and trumped happiness.
His holiness manifested in me turned my pain to joy.

God is fine with us having happy moments.  
 However, His aim for our lives is holiness.
I no longer live from one happy experience to another.  
I am a person filled with joy.
Joy knowing that my Abba Father loves me unconditionally, joy knowing that He is still working in me, and joy knowing He will never leave me nor forsake me.
What keeps you from experiencing the joy of the Lord?


  1. I struggle with the difference between joy and happiness. I desire happiness when the Lord wants to give me a joy that is untouchable, regardless of my circumstances. Whether it's needed healing or removal of selfishness, only the Lord can touch us and give us pure joy.

    1. Hi Sherry, I have struggled with the difference between the two also. Happiness changes with the environment or situation, Joy is not. Thank you for sharing and stopping by.