About Me

Friday, May 6, 2016

THE OTHER WOMAN-When obedience hurts.



Thank you for visiting today.  This post is personal and soul bearing.   It contains a raw and realistic story of obedience versus lust of the flesh.  We serve a real God that ministers to real people.   (Click to Tweet)  It is with fear and trepidation I post it.  My prayer is that my obedience, honesty and transparency will speak to you.  This story is from my book, True Star Quality, which will prayerfully be released by the end of 2016.


I longed to have a man in my life.  A relationship gave me security and self-worth.  Hey, if a guy wants me I must be worth loving.  This desire carried over into my Christian life.  

As a new believer, I was in a relationship with a great man; we will call him D.  He was divorced and had two beautiful children.  D loved me, doted on me and made me feel like a queen.  He was the first man who made me feel secure and unconditionally loved.  Most other guys were waiting for something better. (I felt that way due to my insecurities and probably sabotaged the relationships).
  D was well respected in the community.  To top it off he was from England and his accent melted my heart.  We worked together in Wakefield, and I watched how he treated others.  
This guy is a keeper, I said to myself. 
He spent every waking hour with his children and/or with me.  His children and I bonded immediately.  
I dreamt of the day we would marry.  His daughter our flower girl; his son our ring bearer.  
D and I planned a life together.
The Lord saved my soul during this relationship.
 I poured my heart out to Kay, my associate pastors wife.  She gave me all the biblical advice, No Sex before marriage, pray together, and ask him why they divorced. 
I was confused, Why does the reason for divorce matter?
If there is any chance of reconciliation in that marriage, you need to sever all ties and allow God to reconcile them.  Kay said as she guided me through the Bible verses on God, marriage, and divorce.
  During out dating time, his ex-wife would call and update him on the kids.  The calls became frequent. Convinced she wanted him back, I asked if she desired to reconcile with him; absolutely not, he replied, it's over between us.
The calls were daily, sometimes three times per day.
Please ask her, I said one day.
After much prodding,  He asked her.
 Her reply was, Not really.
I met with Kay a second time; she gave the same advice.
 I left with a desire to do Gods will. 
When I saw D, the battle between spirit and flesh raged in the members of my body. I ached to be with him, to marry him, to ignore the godly advice. 
His ex-wife doesn't want him back; she asked for the divorce, so we are free to marry. 
I tried to convince myself and God.
I told D I wanted to please God and wait for marriage.  He was perfectly fine with not having a physical relationship and wanted to rededicate his life to the Lord.  
I love you, Cherrilynn, I want us to work. D proclaimed.
See, Lord, he wants to do the right thing, his children love me; we can be together, right?
WRONG, the Holy Spirit was not a still small voice anymore.
I knew what I had to do.  I guess I knew it the entire time. 
 God spoke to my heart and reiterated Kay's advice; He wanted D and his wife to reconcile, and I was standing in the way.  
I sobbed as I told D God wanted him to get back together with his ex.  He begged me not to go.
How do you know God wants that?  We love each other, and she left me.
I walked away broken hearted, yet trusting God.
He called many times, and I did not answer.  He showed up at my door crying hysterically.  I did not let him in, although I longed to be in his arms.
 The last words I spoke to him were through tears and a locked oak door.
D, be with your wife; that is what God wants.
I quit my job and allowed my heart to heal. I could not bear to see him and not have him.
I felt a peace knowing I was obedient to God, even if I never knew the outcome.
I prayed for reconciliation in D’s marriage.  I prayed that they both would dedicate their lives and children to the Lord.
Not quite the Hallmark ending I wanted. 
Obedience trumps a Hallmark ending any day. (Click to Tweet)

I began a new chapter in my life; I had a great job at a law office in Providence. I made new friends as I rode the bus to work. God used me to shine my light into the lives of those around me.  
Five years had passed; D was a fond memory.  
God healed my heart.  
 One day as I waited for the bus, a familiar face approached.
I know you, but I cannot remember how I said to the woman who now stood next to me.
We worked together in Wakefield.  She said, my name is Mary.
Yes, now I remember.  You started working a few days before I left.
We chatted a bit, and I asked the question that was burning in my soul.
Is D, the manager, still there?
My heart beat faster as I held my breath for the answer.
No, He remarried his ex-wife, and he and the kids moved back to England. Mary said.
Yipee, I am so happy for him. He and I were good friends, and I told him he should get back together with his wife. Is he happy? I asked.
Very, the family started attending church before they left for England.  His face beamed every time he came to work.
God hugged me through Marys words that day.  He confirmed that obedience reaps rewards, and a marriage was saved.
I guess there was a Hallmark ending after all.
(God does not handle every divorce like this one.)
Have you ever had to make a painful decision out of obedience to God?
What was the outcome?
Please share below.





2 comments:

Carolyn Knefely said...

Giving up a career that I loved was an obedience valley I traveled when I left the University of Texas to be a full time wife to my retired husband. The blind obedience resulted in a ministry that only God put together. When we moved from Texas to South Carolina to be near our daughter and her family, I thought I was finished teaching other than our two grandsons. However, that was not God's plan. HE moved us from TX to SC. Where I thought we knew no one, we chose a house near an acquaintance I had met years ago at a writer's conference. I discovered her as a neighbor four weeks after we moved in. The end result of giving up what I thought was my dream job proved to be only a prep-job for my dream service as the co-director of Christian Communicators where Vonda Skelton and I educate, validate and launch women in their Christian speaking and writing ministries.

Like you, Cherrilynn, with being obedient to God in what I thought was a sacrifice, I was blessed and allowed to be a blessing to others. Thank you for sharing your heart here today. You motivated me to brag on God and the amazing result He brought into being because of blind obedience.

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CHERRILYNN BISBANO said...

Carolyn Thank you for stopping by and thank you for your obedience. Many ladies will join me in praising God that you and Vonda started CCC and continue to serve at this wonderful ministry. Praying for you and yours. Thank you also for your encouragement.